This is a Relationship Q&A where you can ask us any relationship question you may have. You can reach out to us via our Contact page.
Jenny’s boyfriend is her senior in college. A year older than Jenny is, her BF will be graduating college soon. As a young and ambitious man, he has his eyes set on California. He is planning to move away from their home state where Jenny will remain at least until she gets her bachelor’s degree.
Here’s the email from Jenny. I’m publishing it here with her consent.
I’m having a little bit of a dilemma. Me and my BF have been going out since I was a freshman in college (he was in his sophomore year then). We have been together for close to 3 years now. He’s a great guy and we’re really happy together, though not without some ups and downs, but which relationship doesn’t? Anyway, he will be graduating in a couple of months but I still have more than one year to go before I can graduate.
He is getting really excited about this and he keeps telling me he’s going to move to California and find a job there (we’re from Louisiana). I do feel happy for him, but at the same time I will be here alone until I graduate next year. And to be honest, unlike my boyfriend, I don’t really have much of a plan for what happens after that. I grew up in Louisiana and I’m feeling pretty comfortable here.
What do you think I should do?
Your conflicted feelings are not unfounded. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel this way, this discomfort prompts you to confront what you must face.
Like you said in your message to me, you grew up (and I assume go to college) in Louisiana and are feeling comfortable living there. It sounds like you don’t have a plan to move away from your home state at the moment. When your boyfriend told you that he plans to move to CA after graduation, that challenged your current position. It forces you to re-evaluate certain things in life and that can make people feel uncomfortable.
But let’s not jump too far ahead. Whether or not you want to move out to California is something that will only happen at least one year from now after you get your college diploma. Until then, the two of you will be in a long-distance relationship (LDR). Many couples come out from an LDR stronger and more in love than ever, but at the same time, many and probably more couples are destroyed by it. I hope I didn’t scare you off.
Anyway, I think you should take it slow and let things develop organically. Have a conversation with him. Share with him your concern and your thoughts and have him share his. Maybe he simply assumed that you want to leave your state.
Sometimes LDR is the only choice. It is never a long-term solution, but it will buy you some time to think over things and avoid making hasty decisions. While you’re still in college, decide if you’re going join him after graduation or that you’re going to stay in your home state. If you decide to stay, it’s up to your BF to decide if he will come back for you.