- How to Break up without Hurting Anybody
- How to Break up with a Live-in Partner
- How to Break up Over Text
- How to Break up: Long-Distance Relationship
So you’re ready to move on from this chapter of your life and you’re looking for a clean and preferably painless way to break up with someone you were once in love with. This giant break up tome is exactly what you need. In this article, you’ll learn the ins and outs on how to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend while inflicting minimal pain.
How To Break Up Without Hurting Anybody
Breakups can be extremely painful especially when you are on the receiving end. When someone breaks up with you, you feel sad, insecure, and confused. Although this time you are the one calling the shots, it can be just as difficult. You might also be a little paranoid before the breakup, thinking what if he cries or begs you not to leave him? What if he eggs your house after the breakup? What if he destroys your image online?
Don’t worry. We have put up this breakup guide so you can break up with someone in the most effective and painless way (for both of you). First, we will start off with some breakup preparation tips you can follow so that everything will go as planned, then go on to what to expect so you won’t be caught off guard. Tips on picking the right location and time to break up are included in this guide too.
If you’re looking for a way to break up with someone without anyone getting hurt, below are some tips that will help reduce the emotional pain for both parties down to a minimum.
1. How to Prepare Yourself Before A Breakup
Some people say that breaking up with someone doesn’t need any preparation. But you should know better. Since breaking up with someone can be really painful and may result in emotional distress, it’s best to be prepared. It is easier to deal with the pain of a pending breakup by first emotionally distancing yourself from your partner. This way, you prepare yourself for the pain your breakup will cause and ease the tension you feel as you remain in the relationship that often leaves you unhappy.
While there is no specific time frame as to how long the preparation stage should last, you have to take note that you shouldn’t use this stage to prolong the relationship that makes you feel dissatisfied. In fact, it’s best if you can prepare yourself as soon as you make the decision. Below are some tips on the preparation before you break up with someone.
a. Love Yourself More
The first thing you can do to prepare yourself for a breakup is to love yourself more. Direct your attention to yourself and stop giving too much attention to your partner. If possible, start visualizing what it feels like to be your own person, outside of your relationship. By doing this, not only are you preparing yourself for the breakup, you are acknowledging your own strengths and weaknesses. You will be more confident in breaking the news to your partner because knowing your strengths will enable you to say goodbye to the insecurities that might stop you from breaking up with him.
b. Get Rid of the Emotional Hooks
Another thing that you have to do to prepare yourself for a breakup is getting rid of all the emotional factors that hinder you from totally breaking up with someone. Of course, this is not like a simple on and off switch, so you can do it gradually. Start by avoiding being intimate with your partner. By doing this, you are slowly easing in the breakup by giving him some signs of the impending breakup. Another emotional hook that you have to eliminate is guilt. Remind yourself that what you’re doing is for the best, and that leaving him won’t ruin his life. In fact, that frees him up to find the love he truly deserves. Lastly, you have to stop romanticizing everything he does by thinking that every caring gesture is a sign that he is changing for good.
c. Turn to Friends or Family for Support
Being in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, means that you are used to relying on your partner for support. When your car breaks down, when you need an opinion about something small, or when you feel stressed at work, you turn to your partner for help. However, you have to stop doing that if you want to effectively prepare for an upcoming breakup. Learn to be independent and fix all your problems by yourself. Or turn to your friends or family for help when you need it. This way, you can emotionally distance yourself from your boyfriend because you are not relying on him for support anymore.
2. What to Expect During And After You Break Up
Knowing what to expect from a pending breakup can save you from overwhelming grief. Though we cannot fully predict what will happen when you break up with someone, here are some things you can expect when you end a relationship:
a. The breakup conversation will be hard.
Breaking up with someone will be difficult, no matter how much you assure yourself that things will go smoothly. You also can’t predict what your partner will say once you utter those breakup words. Telling someone that you want to break up with him will never be easy, no matter how many times you’ve done it in the past. Looking at their picture on the wall won’t make it easy either. You just have to own the fact that breaking up with someone will always be difficult.
b. You might be hesitant after seeing his reaction.
Your partner will probably look so sad or even burst into tears when you break up with him. You will probably have doubts and start asking yourself whether it is really the right thing to do. You might wonder if you truly gave him enough chances to prove himself worthy or not. However, it is normal to be hesitant about your decision. Many people who have to be the ones to break it to their partners always find themselves in the same scenario. So don’t panic when you feel doubts and just go on with what you have planned to do.
c. Your social circle might have to change.
You and your partner might have mutual friends. His friends might have grown so close to you that breaking up with him might mean not being friends with his friends anymore. Social gatherings after the breakup can be awkward, especially when the two of you have been together for a very long time — your mutual friends will need some time to adjust to the change too. The truth is you may lose some friends in the process. But take heart brave girl, because you will get over it soon.
d. Changing your social media status & posts will be a must.
After breaking up with someone, expect to change your relationship status on social media from “in a relationship” to “single”. Inevitably people will comment on the change and start sending you messages saying that everything will be fine or asking why you broke up with your partner. You might also have to explain things to people close to you such as your best friends or your relatives. If you are the type of person who likes uploading photos in social media, then get ready to browse through all of them to delete you and your ex’s photos.
e. Your partner might bargain.
Bargaining is dangerous since it can lead you back into the arms of the person whom, for whatever reason you have, you have decided to break up with. A lot of people go through this stage, especially the ones who were dumped. There might be a point when your ex cannot resist contacting you and asking for another chance. If you don’t respond, he might resort to stalking you on social media, calling you in the middle of the night, or sending you dozens of text messages until you respond. When that happens, you should take the necessary actions to stop your ex.
3. How To Pick The Right Location For The Breakup
Now that you already know how to prepare for a breakup and what to expect, it’s time for you to know one of the most overlooked considerations when breaking up with someone: the breakup place.
When you’re breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t forget to carefully choose the place where you’re going to break the news. Some places are better than others, especially if you want proper closure.
When choosing the right place to break up with your partner, here are the things you should consider:-
a. Pick a place where the two of you really feel comfortable.
Choosing a location that fits your needs is important. If the breakup conversation will take hours, choose a place where the two of you can sit comfortably without any disturbance. It would be also great to choose a private place because breakups can be very emotional and you, your partner, or both might shed some tears.
Another rule of thumb: avoid inviting your partner to your place to break up with him. While you might think that your place will be a good venue for the breakup because it is comfortable enough for you, well, sorry to say, but it is not. If you break up with your boyfriend in your place, you cannot leave when needed. It might also end up with him staying at your place because he is too sad to go.
b. Take note of your history when choosing a place for breaking up with him.
There are places where the two of you had very special moments. For example, places where you had your first date, where you celebrated birthdays, etc. Choosing any of these places of significance is inadvisable. Doing this would just ruin the great memories you and your partner had at those special locations.
Even if your relationship is coming to an end, it doesn’t mean that the good memories you had should be tainted. So, choose a place that doesn’t hold any emotional significance for you or for your partner.
c. If you think that he’ll get violent, choose a place where someone else can be near to protect you, just in case.
It is crucial for you to pick a place based on your partner’s past behavior. Is he the kind of person who gets emotional? Does he throw tantrums? Does he break things when he gets too angry? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then choose a place where someone else can look out for you. Ask a friend or a family member to be nearby the breakup location in case things get messy.
4. How To Choose The Right Time To Break Up
As the famous saying goes, “Timing is everything”. This is also applicable to breaking up with someone. Choosing the right time to break up with your boyfriend is crucial so that you can make it as seamless as possible.
Breaking up with him when he is going through a major heart-wrenching event is a terrible idea. It would be cruel to break up with someone who just lost a parent. The same thing goes for someone who just lost his job. If you are stuck in this situation, try to extend your patience for as long as possible. Try to stick by your partner’s side as a way of honoring the good times you had with him. But being there for him doesn’t mean that you have to change your mind or back out. You can give him a few weeks or a month if possible, so that he can have enough time to catch some breaths.
This leads us to the next big thing: set a specific date for your breakup. A trend in which couples schedule their breakup is emerging nowadays. These couples set a date for their breakup to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest before calling it quits. This is actually not a bad idea, especially if the two of you have some important events to go to such as a friend’s wedding or a long-awaited vacation. After all, it does not hurt if you try to be punctual and organized. So this doesn’t work for all couples, but you should know if it would work for you two.
5. How To Actually Break Up With Someone
After all of the preparations needed for the breakup, the only thing missing now is how you’ll actually do it. It is difficult, and it always will be, but taking note of these things will make it easier.
a. Be as clear as possible.
If you are breaking up with someone in person, you’re in the position to convey your intentions to him clearly — as opposed to doing it over the distance. Having a small list of the things you want to say will be helpful too. If you are breaking up with him over a text message, be as clear as you can since texts are subject to interpretation. Remember, the best breakup conversations are those that are clear and concise.
b. Express your feelings honestly.
It is highly important for you to be honest with your feelings so that your partner won’t have to keep on looking for answers in the dark after the breakup. You surely have valid reasons why you want to break up with him. Perhaps you have been living together for so long, and he is not showing any intention of marrying you, so you just want to end the relationship. No matter how small or big your reasons may be, letting them out really helps relieve you of some emotional burdens.
c. Avoid pointing fingers.
You have to choose your words carefully when breaking up with someone. Avoid blaming your partner, you’re breaking up now — that’s all that matters. Most breakups are neither the woman’s nor the man’s fault. Things just simply did not work out. That’s it. There’s no need to blame anyone. Implying or directing the blame will just make things worse, so watch out.
d. Give him time to feel what he has to feel.
During the breakup conversation, you might want to give your partner some time to process his emotions. After breaking it to him gently, you can pause for a few minutes, or as much as you want. If you two are in a long distance relationship, you can put the voice or video call on hold and let him breathe and process his thoughts. Don’t rush into it. Acknowledge that your partner is hurt, and giving him time to feel what he has to feel is crucial. Stopping him from doing so will just lead to more heartbreak.
Breakups Can Be Tough
The truth is, breaking up with someone is not and never will be easy. No one is a pro at breaking up with someone, given everyone truly loved his or her partner. But preparing properly, knowing what to expect, picking the right location & timing, and following the right tips will help you make the breakup process less awkward and painful.
How to Break Up With Someone You Live With
Thinking of breaking up with your live-in partner? In this breakup guide, you will find the preparations you need and things to do before, during, and after the change.
More and more couples are finding themselves living together under one roof nowadays. There are many reasons behind this trend: financial issues, desire to know each other deeply, independence from respective families, preparation for marriage, and a whole lot more.
Sadly, living together with your partner does not guarantee that you two will be together forever. As much as it pains us to say this, it doesn’t matter how long you two have been living together because at this point, you are ready to break up with your live-in partner.
How To Break Up With A Live-In Partner
Breaking up with someone you live with is one of the most difficult decisions someone has to make, relationship-wise.
Not only you have to go through the emotional pain of breaking up with him, but you also have to go through the hassle of moving out and finding a new place. To save you from these struggles, we made a guide that will help you in breaking up with someone you live with as smoothly as possible. Here are some things you can do before, during, and after the breakup.
Before Breaking Up With Your Live-in Partner
Things to get ready before you’re ready for the breakup talk.
1. Take the time you need to make sure what you exactly want.
You might have had amazing memories with this guy but it’s just not working out anymore. It is normal to have doubts before breaking up with your live-in boyfriend, especially if you have been living with him for a long time. Pretty much everyone has doubts before spilling the beans. That’s why it’s important for you to take as much time as you need to make sure of your decision.
2. Plan the details of your breakup accordingly.
Where are you going to break up with him? Are you going to do it at your place? Is there a pet you have to consider? How about your stuff? His stuff?
As you can see, there are a lot of questions you first have to address before breaking up with someone you live with. Make sure that these questions, at least those that need to be prioritized the most are addressed before you and your live-in partner have the breakup conversation.
You also have to keep in mind that breaking up with someone does not mean that either one of you should be booted out of your place in a whim. Living on the streets is not an option, so make sure the logistics and other important details are dealt with first.
During the breakup
Things to do and what to expect when you break up with someone you live with.
Step 1: Sit down for a healthy talk.
Having the dreaded breakup conversation is never easy, but you have to consider making it as healthy as possible. Choose a place where you two can sit down comfortably for a healthy conversation. You can start the talk by saying to your partner that you need to talk about something very important and for that, you need his full attention. Ask him to put his phone away and any other things that might distract him.
Step 2: Spill the beans.
After sitting down and making sure that you have your live-in boyfriend’s full attention, it’s time to tell him that you want to break up with him. It is best to be straightforward, but if you want to ease him into it, you can first thank him for all of the great memories you had together. You can say that you will always be grateful of him taking care of you and helping you around the house. Don’t try to exaggerate things though — a simple thanks will do.
Step 3: Tell him the reasons why you want a breakup.
The next step to take is to clearly tell him why you want to break up with him. You have to be as honest as possible, but have to be respectful as well. Make sure that there is as little blame as possible when you are telling him the reasons, especially because these reasons might be negative or offensive to him.
Step 4: Provide clear explanations
Giving the reasons why you want to break up with your boyfriend is not enough. You have to explain why you think these reasons are the dealbreakers. Be as clear as you can, doing so will let him know that you have given serious thought into the breakup. This will also prevent him from hanging onto you, and help him accept your decision.
After breaking up
In the aftermath.
1. Take action
Ending a relationship is nerve-wracking, especially if you broke up with someone you live with. Given the difficulty of the breakup, you have to take immediate action after the breakup. This means that you have to tell your former live-in partner all of the things you have planned for (as stated in the before the breakup section).
2. Have an agreement
After telling your ex about your plans, you have to arrive at an agreement which can enable you to settle things like who gets which, who should move out, who pays for which, and many more. Make sure that both parties are treated fairly in the agreement.
Breaking up with someone you live with is probably one of the hardest things you have to do in your entire life. Despite the pain and hassle caused by it, make sure that you remain compassionate and polite after the breakup. Always take into mind that your ex was a person you’ve spent every single day of your life with for the past months or years. Additionally, consider this as an opportunity for you to grow and develop your character.
Perhaps, he is not just the one, or this is not the right time for both of you. After all, no one really knows what the future may hold.
How to Break Up Over Text
Breaking Up Over Text – Is It A Good Idea?
Almost everyone who has experience in dating has been through this: wanting to break up with someone but not having the courage to do it. Breaking up over text offers an easier alternative compared to breaking up in person.
While breaking up with someone over text is probably not the best idea for most, it has its benefits. For one, it prevents things from getting haywire. Breakup is an emotional process, both you and your partner can get confused, sad, and angry. And when people don’t make the best decision when they’re emotional. Two, it forces you to think before you say anything. Unlike verbal communication, the acts of typing your words and hitting the send button to deliver a message force you to consider if you’re saying the right thing.
That’s why we have compiled this guide for you to break up with your partner through text gently but effectively. By following these guidelines, you can use technology to your advantage and let bygones be bygones.
Before the Breakup
Breaking up with someone over a text message might leave that person confused. And confusion often leads to anger. That’s why it is very important to make sure that you are properly prepared before breaking up over text.
1. Make sure that you really want to break up with him over text.
Before sending the “I want to break up with you” text message, make sure that this is really something you want. Take some time to consider your feelings and the reasons behind your desire to break up with your partner. If you have any doubts about the breakup or the way you want to break up with your partner, you can take as much time as you need to reassess your decisions.
2. Try to think about your partner’s reaction after you send him the breakup text.
Thinking about your boyfriend’s potential reaction is also important in preparing for the breakup-over-text. Will he be mad? Will he be shocked? Will he cry? Will he take it seriously? Trying to answer these questions and thinking about how your boyfriend will feel can help you prepare by being more sensitive and knowing how to handle his reaction.
3. Have a backup plan
What do you plan to do if he calls you? What if he requests for a face-to-face meeting? It’s common courtesy to not be a total jerk when you’re breaking up with someone, but you know your circumstances better than anyone else. Think of what to do if 1. he calls you 2. he requests a meeting or 3. he knocks on your door 10 minutes after the breakup text.
During the Breakup
What happens during a gentle text message breakup.
Step 1. Start with a genuine greeting
It will be awkward to start your text with “Hello! I just want to say that…”, so it is best if you start with a simple hi or hello without any exclamation point because it might make the guy feel that you are so ecstatic about the text message breakup. Use a neutral voice.
Avoid saying “Good morning” and the like too, because what you are about to say might ruin his day. Also, it is very important to include the guy’s name in your greetings so that he knows that your text has to be taken seriously.
Step 2. Follow up with a simple compliment.
After starting with a nice but not exaggerated greeting, a genuine compliment is necessary because it eases into the blow of the breakup statement. Make sure that your compliment is objective and true to the core. Exaggerating is also a no-no because this might make the guy think that he still has a shot if he uses those overly good traits.
Avoid saying “You are so lovely, sweet, and understanding but…” then say you want to break up with him. The two statements contradict each other so your compliments should center on the times you have spent together or a general description of his personality. Something like “I had a nice time with you but…” or “You seem to be a nice guy but…” will suffice.
Step 3. Tell him the reasons clearly.
This is where things can get tricky. Text messages change the way we communicate so your text message has to be as clear as it can get. Of course, the reasons should be known between you and your boyfriend but it is actually up to you whether you want to go as specific as you want. After all, you are the one breaking up with him over text.
Just a word of caution: be as kind and graceful as you can with your narrative. Having someone break up over text with you is as hard as it gets, and sounding angry to your future ex might make him feel worse.
Step 4. End the text by thanking him.
After doing the three previous steps, thanking him is a good way of closing your text message because it makes him know how much you appreciate him. This might not erase the pain brought by the breakup, but it shows that the time you spent with him was not wasted. In addition, you can thank him for being a mentor figure for you to learn valuable life lessons that you will cherish forever. If you think that this experience made you a better person, you can also thank him for that. However, don’t overdo it. You don’t want to be sending a mixed message to your now ex.
And of course, do not forget to send that text you just constructed.
After Breaking Up Over Text
You have done it. Now what?
1. Deal with his reaction calmly.
Chances are your future ex-boyfriend will text you back or demand explanations. If he gets mad, try not to be mad as well. If he accepts it, thank him again and say that you should give each other some time to move on. Whatever his reaction is, just do your best to deal with it as calmly as possible.
2. Hold your position
If he asks you for another chance, you can close the door on any future possibilities with him or you can consider him as a friend. After all, there are many exes that remain as friends after breaking up over text messages. Just keep in mind that you have to do what’s best for you.
Finding a way to break up with someone is all up to you. You can do it over a text message, a call, or in person. Whatever way you choose, just remember this: your life, your rules.
Ending a relationship with someone hurts. Additionally, being in a long distance relationship is difficult. Add the two together and what do you get a long-distance breakup which is probably one of the most difficult breakups you have to go through. But don’t worry, here’s a step-by-step guide on how to break up with someone in a long-distance relationship.
How to Break Up with a Long-Distance Relationship Partner
Not knowing how to properly break up with someone can be a nightmare― one that will be hard to get over. Since you and your partner are in a long-distance relationship (LDR), breaking up with him in person may not be a viable option. The next best option is doing it through a voice call or video call. Thanks to various apps such as Facebook Messenger, Skype, and WhatsApp, breaking up with someone over long distance online is an option that you should definitely consider.
How To Break Up (Gently) With Someone Long-Distance
Depending on the circumstances, it’s possible that you haven’t seen your partner for months or even years. Throughout this period of time, you might have felt the heavy weight of not having him physically around. Which is why we totally understand if you want to break up with him as soon as possible. After all, giving a heads up can benefit him especially if he wants to plan things for the two of you get back together (physically). No matter what your reason is for your long-distance breakup, good for you for having made up your mind.
We know it’s hard, but don’t fret because we put up a guide to breaking up with your long-distance boyfriend or girlfriend.
Related: 10 Relationship Red Flags To Watch Out For
Related: 10 Long-Distance Relationship Problems & Fixes
Things To Do Before The Long Distance Breakup
Preparation is key to a successful and gentle breakup.
1. Open up to a confidant.
Before the breakup call, it’s best to talk to someone you truly trust–for example, your mother, your best friend, etc. Doing this will help you process your thoughts and feelings before the breakup. You can get some advice from them, too. This is great because they are people who care for you and they can also look at your long-distance relationship objectively.
2. Schedule the breakup call.
While this may sound cold, scheduling your breakup is a good thing, especially when you live in different time zones. Make sure that you and your boyfriend are both awake at that time, and are not tired from work or school — or worse, at work or school. So the weekend is probably the best time for the long-distance breakup call.
Also, if your boyfriend or girlfriend has a big exam or work presentation coming up, try to schedule the breakup call after that so the breakup won’t affect his studies or work. It’s best if you hold the breakup for a couple of days. After all, you will want the same courtesy extended to you if you were in his or her position.
3. Prepare a script.
This step might sound awkward but doing this helps make the process a little bit less hurtful for both parties. It doesn’t have to be a detailed script, but rather an outline of the things you have to say during the call. Chances are, even if you are the one who initiates the breakup, things will still be emotional for you. The script can help you remember everything you want to say and stay on course.
During the Long-Distance Breakup
Things that happen when you ask for a breakup.
1. Start by saying directly what you think.
Being in a long-distance breakup call can be dreadful. That’s why you need to be direct in sharing what you think about your relationship. Factor in the limited time that you and your boyfriend might have for this breakup call, so you need to be concise and get to the point.
You can go with something like this: “This is hard to say, but I have to tell you that I cannot be in this relationship anymore.”
2. Give your partner some time to process his feelings.
It’s best to be silent after saying that you don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. You have to give him time to feel what he has to feel. More often than not, he will react by asking questions and might even displaying strong emotions, which lead us to the next step.
3. Explain your decision.
In order not to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend confused, you have to state the reasons why you decided to break up with him. The long distance between the two of you might probably be the main reason. If there are other reasons, you have to tell him as well, no matter how small or petty they seem.
4. Keep calm.
Even after your explanation, your boyfriend might still cry or get angry at you. If this happens and you cry or get angry, too, you can pause the call. This will allow you and your boyfriend to have some time to get your composure back. But don’t forget to call him back at a later time to end the breakup talk properly.
5. Express gratitude.
The best way to end a long-distance breakup talk is thanking him for all the moments you spent together. You can say that you will always be grateful for everything he has done for you, but it’s time to let go now since things are not working out anymore. A rule of thumb: do not thank him excessively because this can backfire on you.
After the Long-Distance Breakup
What is done is done, now what?
1. Clearly say where this breakup is headed.
Your long-distance ex-boyfriend might ask for a second chance and try to get you back, but you have to be firm with your decision. If you think he cannot be your friend after the long-distance breakup, then tell him so, but gently. You can say something like: “I don’t think we should contact each other anymore.”
But if you think you can be friends in the future, you can say that too. Saying something like: “Though we did not work out as a couple, we can still be friends in the future. But for now, we have to give each other time to recover.”
2. Care for yourself.
Focus on yourself this time. Love yourself more by doing things that make you happy. It could be shopping, going to the gym, traveling, etc. Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it without doubts, because it will really help you in dealing with the aftermath of your long-distance breakup. Again, even if you’re the one initiating the breakup, it doesn’t mean that you are cold-hearted and don’t feel the pain. Give yourself time to heal by doing something you enjoy.
A Guide Is Just A Guide
Each couple has a unique relationship, and breakups are no different. There is no universal way to break up. Just trust yourself, because deep down there, you know what’s best for you.
And remember, time will heal every wound. Eventually, you will realize that there is something better in store for you.
Bonus Content
Long-Distance Breakup Stories
There are some LDR breakup stories at www.youbrokeuphow.com
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2_u_7WDmKg
All articles related to long-distance relationship on Metropolitan Girls.
Breakups Are Always…
They are almost always emotional for both parties. Sometimes it can be a freeing experience if you’re getting out of a toxic relationship, but it will always feel like you’ve lost something. In any situation, feel free to clear out your schedule as you see fit to give yourself some alone time to recharge and let your feelings settle down.