So you have made up your mind. After all, you are reading this breakup guide. Perhaps the butterflies for him are gone, or perhaps your current circumstances at work or at school dictate that you have to end the relationship. Whatever the reason is, you’re ready to move on from this chapter of your life and you’re looking for a clean and preferably painless way to break up with someone you were once in love with.
Breakups can be extremely painful especially when you are on the receiving end. When someone breaks up with you, you feel sad, insecure, and confused. Although this time you are the one calling the shots, it can be just as difficult. You might also be a little paranoid before the breakup, thinking what if he cries or begs you not to leave him? What if he eggs your house after the breakup? What if he destroys your image online?
Don’t worry. We have put up this breakup guide so you can break up with someone in the most effective and painless way (for the both of you). First, we will start off with some breakup preparation tips you can follow so that everything will go as planned, then go on to what to expect so you won’t be caught off guard. Tips on picking the right location and time to break up are included in this guide too.
- How To Gently Break Up With Someone Without Hurting Anybody
Here are some other breakup guides that may also help you out:-
- How To Break Up With Someone You Live With
- How To Break Up With Someone Over Text
- How To Break Up With Someone Long-Distance
- Dating Hiatus: Cleanse Your Relationship by Taking a Break
How To Gently Break Up With Someone Without Hurting Anybody
If you’re looking for a way to break up with someone without anyone getting hurt, below are some tips that will help reduce the emotional pain for both parties down to a minimum.
1. How to Prepare Yourself Before A Breakup
Some people say that breaking up with someone doesn’t need any preparation. But you should know better. Since breaking up with someone can be really painful and may result in emotional distress, it’s best to be prepared. It is easier to deal with the pain of a pending breakup by first emotionally distancing yourself from your partner. This way, you prepare yourself for the pain your breakup will cause and ease the tension you feel as you remain in the relationship that often leaves you unhappy.
While there is no specific time frame as to how long the preparation stage should last, you have to take note that you shouldn’t use this stage to prolong the relationship that makes you feel dissatisfied. In fact, it’s best if you can prepare yourself as soon as you make the decision. Below are some tips on the preparation before you break up with someone.
a. Love Yourself More
The first thing you can do to prepare yourself for a breakup is to love yourself more. Direct your attention to yourself and stop giving too much attention to your partner. If possible, start visualizing what it feels like to be your own person, outside of your relationship. By doing this, not only are you preparing yourself for the breakup, you are acknowledging your own strengths and weaknesses. You will be more confident in breaking the news to your partner because knowing your strengths will enable you to say goodbye to the insecurities that might stop you from breaking up with him.
b. Get Rid of the Emotional Hooks
Another thing that you have to do to prepare yourself for a breakup is getting rid of all the emotional factors that hinder you from totally breaking up with someone. Of course, this is not like a simple on and off switch, so you can do it gradually. Start by avoiding being intimate with your partner. By doing this, you are slowly easing in the breakup by giving him some signs of the impending breakup. Another emotional hook that you have to eliminate is guilt. Remind yourself that what you’re doing is for the best, and that leaving him won’t ruin his life. In fact, that frees him up to find the love he truly deserves. Lastly, you have to stop romanticizing everything he does by thinking that every caring gesture is a sign that he is changing for good.
c. Turn to Friends or Family for Support
Being in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, means that you are used to relying on your partner for support. When your car breaks down, when you need an opinion about something small, or when you feel stressed at work, you turn to your partner for help. However, you have to stop doing that if you want to effectively prepare for an upcoming breakup. Learn to be independent and fix all your problems by yourself. Or turn to your friends or family for help when you need it. This way, you can emotionally distance yourself from your boyfriend because you are not relying on him for support anymore.
2. What to Expect During And After You Break Up With Someone
Knowing what to expect from a pending breakup can save you from overwhelming grief. Though we cannot fully predict what will happen when you break up with someone, here are some things you can expect when you end a relationship:
a. The breakup conversation will be hard.
Breaking up with someone will be difficult, no matter how much you assure yourself that things will go smoothly. You also can’t predict what your partner will say once you utter those breakup words. Telling someone that you want to break up with him will never be easy, no matter how many times you’ve done it in the past. Looking at their picture on the wall won’t make it easy either. You just have to own the fact that breaking up with someone will always be difficult.
b. You might be hesitant after seeing his reaction.
Your partner will probably look so sad or even burst into tears when you break up with him. You will probably have doubts and start asking yourself whether it is really the right thing to do. You might wonder if you truly gave him enough chances to prove himself worthy or not. However, it is normal to be hesitant about your decision. Many people who have to be the ones to break it to their partners always find themselves in the same scenario. So don’t panic when you feel doubts and just go on with what you have planned to do.
c. Your social circle might have to change.
You and your partner might have mutual friends. His friends might have grown so close to you that breaking up with him might mean not being friends with his friends anymore. Social gatherings after the breakup can be awkward, especially when the two of you have been together for a very long time — your mutual friends will need some time to adjust to the change too. The truth is you may lose some friends in the process. But take heart brave girl, because you will get over it soon.
d. Changing your social media status & posts will be a must.
After breaking up with someone, expect to change your relationship status on social media from “in a relationship” to “single”. Inevitably people will comment on the change and start sending you messages saying that everything will be fine or asking why you broke up with your partner. You might also have to explain things to people close to you such as your best friends or your relatives. If you are the type of person who likes uploading photos in social media, then get ready to browse through all of them to delete you and your ex’s photos.
e. Your partner might bargain.
Bargaining is dangerous since it can lead you back into the arms of the person whom, for whatever reason you have, you have decided to break up with. A lot of people go through this stage, especially the ones who were dumped. There might be a point when your ex cannot resist contacting you and asking for another chance. If you don’t respond, he might resort to stalking you on social media, calling you in the middle of the night, or sending you dozens of text messages until you respond. When that happens, you should take the necessary actions to stop your ex.
3. How To Pick The Right Location For The Breakup
Now that you already know how to prepare for a breakup and what to expect, it’s time for you to know one of the most overlooked considerations when breaking up with someone: the breakup place.
When you’re breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t forget to carefully choose the place where you’re going to break the news. Some places are better than others, especially if you want proper closure.
When choosing the right place to break up with your partner, here are the things you should consider:-
a. Pick a place where the two of you really feel comfortable.
Choosing a location that fits your needs is important. If the breakup conversation will take hours, choose a place where the two of you can sit comfortably without any disturbance. It would be also great to choose a private place because breakups can be very emotional and you, your partner, or both might shed some tears.
Another rule of thumb: avoid inviting your partner to your place to break up with him. While you might think that your place will be a good venue for the breakup because it is comfortable enough for you, well, sorry to say, but it is not. If you break up with your boyfriend in your place, you cannot leave when needed. It might also end up to him staying at your place because he is too sad to go.
b. Take note of your history when choosing a place for breaking up with him.
There are places where the two of you had very special moments. For examples, places where you had your first date, where you celebrated birthdays, etc. Choosing any of these places of significance is inadvisable. Doing this would just ruin the great memories you and your partner had at those special locations.
Even if your relationship is coming to an end, it doesn’t mean that the good memories you had should be tainted. So, choose a place that doesn’t hold any emotional significance for you or for your partner.
c. If you think that he’ll get violent, choose a place where someone else can be near to protect you, just in case.
It is crucial for you to pick a place based on your partner’s past behavior. Is he the kind of person who gets emotional? Does he throw tantrums? Does he break things when he gets too angry? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then choose a place where someone else can look out for you. Ask a friend or a family member to be nearby the breakup location in case things get messy.
4. How To Choose The Right Time To Break Up With Someone
As the famous saying goes, “Timing is everything”. This is also applicable to breaking up with someone. Choosing the right time to break up with your boyfriend is crucial so that you can make it as seamless as possible.
Breaking up with him when he is going through a major heart-wrenching event is a terrible idea. It would be cruel to break up with someone who just lost a parent. The same thing goes for someone who just lost his job. If you are stuck in this situation, try to extend your patience for as long as possible. Try to stick by your partner’s side as a way of honoring the good times you had with him. But being there for him doesn’t mean that you have to change your mind or back out. You can give him a few weeks or a month if possible, so that he can have enough time to catch some breaths.
This leads us to the next big thing: set a specific date for your breakup. A trend in which couples schedule their breakup is emerging nowadays. These couples set a date for their breakup to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest before calling it quits. This is actually not a bad idea, especially if the two of you have some important events to go to such as a friend’s wedding or a long-awaited vacation. After all, it does not hurt if you try to be punctual and organized. So this doesn’t work for all couples, but you should know if it would work for you two.
5. How To Actually Break Up With Someone
After all of the preparations needed for the breakup, the only thing missing now is how you’ll actually do it. It is difficult, and it always will be, but taking note of these things will make it easier.
a. Be as clear as possible.
If you are breaking up with someone in person, you’re in the position to convey your intentions to him clearly — as opposed to doing it over the distance. Having a small list of the things you want to say will be helpful too. If you are breaking up with him over a text message, be as clear as you can since texts are subject to interpretation. Remember, the best breakup conversations are those that are clear and concise.
b. Express your feelings honestly.
It is highly important for you to be honest with your feelings so that your partner won’t have to keep on looking for answers in the dark after the breakup. You surely have valid reasons why you want to break up with him. Perhaps you have been living together for so long, and he is not showing any intention of marrying you, so you just want to end the relationship. No matter how small or big your reasons may be, letting them out really helps relieve you of some emotional burdens.
c. Avoid pointing fingers.
You have to choose your words carefully when breaking up with someone. Avoid blaming your partner, you’re breaking up now — that’s all that matters. Most breakups are neither the woman’s nor the man’s fault. Things just simply did not work out. That’s it. There’s no need to blame anyone. Implying or directing the blame will just make things worse, so watch out.
d. Give him time to feel what he has to feel.
During the breakup conversation, you might want to give your partner some time to process his emotions. After breaking it to him gently, you can pause for a few minutes, or as much as you want. If you two are in a long distance relationship, you can put the voice or video call on hold and let him breathe and process his thoughts. Don’t rush into it. Acknowledge that your partner is hurt, and giving him time to feel what he has to feel is crucial. Stopping him from doing so will just lead to more heartbreak.
Breakups Can Be Tough
The truth is, breaking up with someone is not and never will be easy. No one is a pro at breaking up with someone, given everyone truly loved his or her partner. But preparing properly, knowing what to expect, picking the right location & timing, and following the right tips will help you make the breakup process less awkward and painful.